What To Say To The Family

What to Say to the Family


One of the most difficult aspects of attending a funeral is knowing what to say to the deceased’s family and how to say it. Unless you have been personally requested to speak by the family, no one expects you to say more than a few brief and sincere words. What you should say is dependant on your personal relationship with the deceased and their surviving family members. Often times, “I am sorry for your loss” or another brief offer of condolences is all that is needed. If you feel comfortable, short stories of your personal experiences with the deceased are wonderful to share. Also keep in mind that the family will need time to receive condolences from others that are attending the service.

Volume is Important

When speaking at a funeral, always remember to speak softly and quietly. Funerals are not the time to discuss business, recent vacations or other unrelated personal matters. All of the focus should be on sharing and listening to stories about the deceased and their families. 


Keep It Simple and Heartfelt

Knowing what to say or how to say it is one of the great mysteries of attending a funeral. Often, though, this is a problem we face as individuals and is not akin to what is expected. The truth is unless you have been asked to speak by the family, no one expects you to say more than a few words. Most bereaved family members will be unable to give you their full attention. Keep it short and always be sincere. This is all depending on your relationship with the deceased and the surviving family members, of course.

Should I View the Body at the Front of the Room?

A viewing or wake typically takes place prior to the funeral. Guests and family members are invited to view the casketed body of the deceased to say their final words. It is understandable for some guests and children to be uncomfortable around the deceased body. It is customary to pay your respects by walking up to the casket. If you aren’t comfortable being close to the deceased, focus your attention on providing comfort to grieving family members instead. Both of these gestures will be well received and appreciated by the family.

There is no real rule about the amount that you should or shouldn't say. It truly depends. However, “I am so sorry for your loss” or another brief expression of condolence is all that is necessary. If you feel like it, short stories of your personal experiences with the deceased are good to share. Just remember that the family must also receive condolences from others that are attending the service. When speaking at a funeral, even if it isn't to the family, speak quietly. Funerals and visitations are no time to discuss personal matters like business or vacation. The focus should be on sharing and listening to stories about the deceased. Follow these guidelines and you will be fine.
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